Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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