drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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