love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
