and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize