Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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