Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
