I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize