New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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