Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
