I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
