Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
