i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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