the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just found puke in my bra..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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