Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
