My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
