i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
