You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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