my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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