people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
