I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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