i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize