I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
