My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
