dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
