Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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