Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
