i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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