Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
