Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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