You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
