She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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