Say something about gay babies.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
