you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
