How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Someone shit on the floor
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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