i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
