i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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