If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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