Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
