Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
