All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
