I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
