Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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