So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
