its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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