also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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