it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Did I show you my penis last night?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
