my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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