chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
