The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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