New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
