I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
