I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
