I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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