I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
