she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
