If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she told me i tasted like america
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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