Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
