I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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