dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
