She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
