five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
