I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
