best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize