Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
