I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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