I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
