i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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