You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
