the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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