You made me cry and you don't even care
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
