Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
